The Blessing Song

The Blessing Song
by Dennis Jernigan

May the Lord answer you in the day of your trouble!
May the name of the Lord be your strong mighty tower!
May He grant you your heart's deepest dreams and desires!
May He answer each time you call!

May He pour out the blessing of heaven!
May you cast your cares on Him and daily fall!
May you live to see your children's children!
May Lord Jesus be your All in All!

May the Lord Jesus Christ satisfy beyond all measure!
May His Word light your path!
May His Peace guard your heart!
May your days be filled with gladness, joy and peace through any sadness
Filled with love that will not depart!

May your strength be renewed like the eagle!
As you run the race may joy flood every part!
May your memories all be sweet in each parting!
May the peace of Christ rule your heart!

May His word be to you health and life, joy and treasure.
May your home be a light.
May the Lord guard your ways.
May the Lord be your shepherd.
May His goodness and mercy follow after you all your days!

May His mercies be new every morning!
May His grace and Holy Spirit help you stand!
May you live your life to die for the gospel!
May you hold to His unchanging hand!

May the Lord answer you in the day of your trouble!
May the name of the Lord be your strong mighty tower!

the new has come

Out with the old, In with the new.

Ushering the New Years was great. Started NYE by waking up late and rushed to bake six cakes, got them frosted and written with words. Send them cakes, forgot to take pics of them ): Spent some time (or whats left with time) with friend(s) and a lil dins, went to settle some money things and went for Watchnight Celebration in DUMC. Got hungry before midnight and went to bed really hungry. Lil boy slept past 2am and had nightmares (i think) and woke up really late the next day.

As the New Year has begun, there are still alot of uncertainties in life, especially mine. I'm not really sure if this path I'm taking will do me any good. Or maybe I should just get a normal job and have a fix income. Or, i could just go on with my plans and be kick-ass at it.

I always had long chats with mum the past week. Mostly is because of our family situation right now. And my future. And why I'm changing church. And brain storming. Sometimes its really hard talking to your mum. But sometimes, that's just how family is. Supporting in everything you do and going all out, just for you.

I wouldn't say life could be great and smooth sailing in months and years to come. It already hasn't been that way for me. Hearing someone talk behind my back, literally, on NY is not cool at all. Trying really hard to put on a brave face, isn't doing me that good. Or maybe I don't have to and just break down or deal with it..?

At this point in posting this, the whole house is still in silence. Surprisingly since it's past 9am. Going for a class soon. First class of the year, on a Public Holiday!

"The LORD shall preserve you going out and your coming in

From this time forth, and even forevermore" Psalm 121:8

a time to...

It's that time of the year again. Christmas. :D Where everyone is getting presents, setting up christmas trees, gathering recipes, planning holidays, caroling, christmas plays and so on. Love this time of the year. But as I grow older, I somehow feel the lack of Christmas spirit. The lack of thinking of what to give to someone. Lack of planning something special. I feel, just tired when Christmas comes around.

Maybe its just cause another new year is approaching too quickly.

Well, yeah, that.

What lies next year, is a mystery to me. Everything is still at a blur. Work is a blur. Income is at a blur state. but life still goes on. boy is getting older and growing, too fast. with all this season holiday and season change in life, trying my very best to submit my 2012 plans to Him.

Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
   and he will establish your plans

Proverbs 16:3

THE question

I am reminded how grace is given freely. How undeserving for me to receive it. How amazing, grace is. Looking back the past three years, He has proved Himself to be ever so faithful, ever so merciful, ever so forgiving, and is full of grace. How many times I really feel that I do not deserve all these but He still thinks I do.

Am reminded that I should count the lil blessings I receive. not to overlook any but to see how many times He has pulled me through. How another day had been a blessing. How much joy it is to be with the lil one. How the family and close friends had stick with me through my lowest point.

Sometimes it just takes a lil reminder to remind you to count your lil blessings one by one. And with that, you'll be amazed as to how much you've been blessed over the days, weeks, months and years. Treasure your moments.

I thought my day would end with that. Being grateful and thankful for all He's done. Till, lil one asked me the question. That fast? never underestimate a young one.

reflections

So I was randomly having a chat with a friend few days back. At first, it was those usuals and what nots and casual and yeah you the drift. With any conversations, there tend to be a serious part and yeap, it made me think alot. Not exactly during the time we were having the conversation but more to after. Like till now, and i guess the next few days. It got me thinking like how I ended up being like that. How and why I made those decisions and that it's alright for me to be this way. Looking back right now, somehow I find it hard sharing (and holding back that water works) and explaining why I made those decisions. I literally had to have some time to refresh my memory....and now, its playing in my head and haunting me ):


I guess sometimes its good to reflect on what has happened and why you made those decisions. And it is also important that if any of those unwanted memories which suddenly pops up, I guess, one has to just cry(?), scream(?), throw knives(?), or find something that helps you to feel better. Of course, praying and know that your past just makes you stronger (:

an update

It has been too long. Too long to remember how it feels to blog.

It's the usuals "i have been busy. I can't find time to blog. I just don't feel like it. There no inspirations" etc etc.

Today, i guess, is when I let my guard down and let my emotions and feeling take over. It's when I kept alot of things in and have not been able to let it out. It's when thoughts of "what if's" and "if only's" come bombarding in my head. It's when I feel really trapped. It's when I feel I've given up hope on myself. It's when I feel like I need to be away.

Today, I've let it all out. And still is. I'm not sure when this faucet of mine will stop pouring. I used to believe that I still could have a balanced life with a family. Someone once told me, it's impossible. I'm beginning to believe her. *oh no!*

once again

and once again, back with some updates after a short hiatus.

At this point in time, it's wayy past bed time but i slept way early and I'm up with nothing to do, or there is, but I'm just ignoring those things, and I just can't sleep.

You know that feeling where there's just too much going on in your head. That you don't know what to do. That whatever solution you have, you know that it still won't work in the end. That no matter how hard you try to work with your solution, it doesn't work as well.

when you try to think of a perfect time to talk to someone about issues. but timing can never be perfect even though how much you picture it to be. or how you thought you would want it to be.

when people around you start asking you about your future and you can't answer them. and you start thinking what on earth are you doing with your life. and future. How you picture your future to be but judging from your past, some things just can't get pass you. and it seems like your past keeps haunting you.

when you thought you've moved on and somehow you haven't

weird thoughts happens past bedtime...