Resolutions

Honestly, I never did write my Resolutions for 2012 on paper/note. I just wrote them...mentally. and i guess I edited some resolutions along the way, and yes, I'm aware that it's only February.

One of them is the challenge to read books, apart from the Bible. Not just read books but to read at least one each week. Now, it is obviously a challenge since it took me few months to finish a book last year. And it took me one week to finish a novel. So here I am, failing because it took me three months to finish ONE book. yeah i started reading that book in december.

Since Shanlyn is having a checklist of the number of books she has read so far, I feel i should do the same. At least I know what and how many books I've read this year. I'm (now) proud to say and post that I've finished one book! :D

Books read in 2012
1. Beyond Talent by John C. Maxwell
2. To Train Up A Child by Micheal & Debi Pearl
3. Drawing Near by John Bevere
4. Cultivating Your Inner Life by Edmund Chan
5. The 4th Dimension by Dr David Yonggi Cho
6. Prison Break by Mark Conner
7. The Fourth Dimension, Volume Two by Dr David Yonggi Cho
8. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
9. Work, Love, Pray by Diane Paddison
10. Change of Heart by Jodi Piccoult
11. Walking from East to West by Ravi Zacharias
12. Women: God's Secret Weapon by Ed Silvoso
13. Life Without Limits by Nick Vujicic
14. God's Story, Your Story by Max Lucado
15. Solving Life's Problems Dr David Yonggi Cho

*as of August, I've failed much. forty two books to go!
*as of September, I've thirty eight books more to go.
*as of October, I've thirty seven books more to go

To live without limits...

To live without limits...these are needed..

• A powerful sense of purpose
• Hope so strong that is cannot be diminished
• Faith in God and the infinite possibilities
• Love and self acceptance
• A courageous spirit
• Willingness to change
• A trusting heart
• Hunger for opportunities
• The ability to assess risk and to laugh at life
• A mission to serve others first

*Life Without Limits by Nick Vujicic 

The Vow

the "awwwww' moment in the movie..

"No matter what challenges might carry us apart, 

we will always find a way back to each other."

Why men are never depressed

Women are twice as likely to get depressed as men. There are a lot of theories about why this is the case. Here's a humorous explanation as to why men are never depressed. *justforfun!

• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
• Car mechanics tell you the truth
• Same work, more pay
• Wedding dress $5000, tux rental $100
• One mood all the time
• A five holiday requires only one suitcase
• You can open all of your own jars
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
• If someone forgets to invite you, he/she can still be your friend
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a pack of three
• You don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt
• You can do your nails with a pocket knife
• You can do your Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

another month

Another month has passed and now we're entering into the mid-year. Many things had happened in the past few months. Somethings that surprises me much. Others are encouraging.

As I obverse some people, it gave me time and opportunity to take a step back from everything and to learn from their so-called-mistakes. It helped me to remember that others do take notice of every single thing we do; be it the good or the bad. Reminded me to also look at things from a different perspective.

Things in life has taken a whole new road altogether. Believing that there's a greater purpose in life because I have Him!life is truly exciting with God (:

crazy-ness

Sometimes I really think that I shouldn't have agreed in the first place. Sometimes I feel that I should let others do the job. Sometimes I feel that, I should have the courage to say no.

One event happened after another and another, made me feel like giving everything up. Made me feel that I shouldn't have agreed. Made me realized too, how much I needed Him more. But when doors are open and things happen to make you feel like giving up, you wonder why the door has been opened in the first place. I'm kinda heading no where with the story or what-so-ever but, typing the whole story out might just offend certain parties.

anyhoo, I've given up the catering business for the time being. My oven died on me. Before that, my car window got smashed and took the brother's bag. The moment when you're all up and fired up for God, things start to happen. and yes, that's when i started questioning, again. And I'm reminded, again, how much more that I need to be closer. (oh.so.hard.i.tell.you)

and there's the sudden of piling up on my plate. I should really unload somewhere.

maybe

maybe being in this situation, things gets ugly
but maybe things will turn out for the better.

maybe, just by spending time builds a life long relationship

maybe, doing what you think its right isn't the right thing to do

maybe, sharing what you're going through helps to clear some junk in you.

maybe, just maybe.
yeah maybe.

things had been ugly. things had been worst. yet, I'm still grateful that every single step has been quite a journey. It isn't over. It has never been. Its still on going. Still struggling. Still accepting. Still angry and upset.

Just waiting for that day...but I guess that day is too far away. Someone once told me, "it happened 14 years ago, and I'm still going through." What more just four years?

maybe, just maybe. there's a silver lining after the storm, right?

It's not about the money, money, money

That time of the year -  CHINESE NEW YEAR! where firecrakers and fireworks are shot up to the sky causing noise and air pollution, kids running around getting ang pau's, new clothes, new stuffs in the house, more chinese food, cookies, spring cleaning, more food, house visiting, and more food and the list goes on.

This year has been quite a quiet year. unlike those years, we used to go around houses like nonstop. But since the older generation has left, we were/are sorta lost as to where to go during the first two days. Somehow, we still managed to go houses and have great conversations and catch ups.

Lil boy is just happy he gets to go around and eat cny goodies; mainly chips and keropok and drink cold drinks. -.-

As for me, I'm glad I finally 'sau kong' on the eve of CNY but that didn't end there. We had a friend and her son over for reunion, and, yes, did cook dishes for the reunion. I WAS FLAT OUT AFTER DINS! and only woke up the next morning!.

Feeling a lil sick every morning i wake up. Find myself really tired by mid day. naps in the evening and sleeping throughout the night. I miss this. I guess the body is trying to repair and adjust itself since I've been skipping my sleep time to bake to meet the orders. hehe. 

Now that baking has stopped, I'm wondering what I'm gonna do next. Waiting for the right time to text the teacher telling him I wanna continue my Diploma. hmmmmmm..

next

I do miss morning prayer meets. the alarm or human alarm trying to wake me up. the getting outta the house so early till my security guard at my place got ready to open the gate during those mornings. the driving in the super early mornings, thinking whether to run the red light. the encouragement when you see so many people in the auditorium. the worship. the sermon. the praying. the breakfast and catch ups. (:

While this has ended, its time to find the time to spend that time with Him. I realized that as I commit my job/business to Him, He did answer my prayers. I'm glad that although I'm really busy baking, that at least there's my source of income coming in.

Yesterday's prayer meet ended with Psalm 134 which talks about worship. And I do long to get lost when I worship. Its like I get preoccupied with Him and Him only to find there's freedom, peace and joy. It was a great and timely reminder. All of the mornings actually. I'm still struggling in an area. The area of  surrender EVERYTHING to Him. I just can't and find it really, really, really hard to do so. I can surrender all, except one part, an important part, a person in my life. Tears just kept rolling down. but i still can't. maybe i just need time. Or a change of mindset.

Its been more than four years but it still feels like yesterday. Them tears still felt fresh. The memory starts playing back. It felt strange to share with a cell member, and trying to keep that water works. But i did share anyways. and it felt kinda good. maybe cause it depends on the person i share it with. It hasn't been easy as I find myself explaining my self/situation every week to different people. I get different responses. I have to deal with my emotions from their responses and I find myself really drained from dealing with my emotions. I'm not too sure how long this is gonna take. The healing part. The overcoming part.

I'm just tired of putting up a face. It was really hard to put up with a face pretending everything is alright. but then again, if i hadn't pretend, I wouldn't want everyone asking why I'm not okay. -.-

So I guess, it still goes back to getting closer with Him. Setting things right with Him. and the part which I'm not ready to do, Surrender EVERYTHING to Him

an update

It has been too long. Too long to remember how it feels to blog.

It's the usuals "i have been busy. I can't find time to blog. I just don't feel like it. There no inspirations" etc etc.

Today, i guess, is when I let my guard down and let my emotions and feeling take over. It's when I kept alot of things in and have not been able to let it out. It's when thoughts of "what if's" and "if only's" come bombarding in my head. It's when I feel really trapped. It's when I feel I've given up hope on myself. It's when I feel like I need to be away.

Today, I've let it all out. And still is. I'm not sure when this faucet of mine will stop pouring. I used to believe that I still could have a balanced life with a family. Someone once told me, it's impossible. I'm beginning to believe her. *oh no!*

once again

and once again, back with some updates after a short hiatus.

At this point in time, it's wayy past bed time but i slept way early and I'm up with nothing to do, or there is, but I'm just ignoring those things, and I just can't sleep.

You know that feeling where there's just too much going on in your head. That you don't know what to do. That whatever solution you have, you know that it still won't work in the end. That no matter how hard you try to work with your solution, it doesn't work as well.

when you try to think of a perfect time to talk to someone about issues. but timing can never be perfect even though how much you picture it to be. or how you thought you would want it to be.

when people around you start asking you about your future and you can't answer them. and you start thinking what on earth are you doing with your life. and future. How you picture your future to be but judging from your past, some things just can't get pass you. and it seems like your past keeps haunting you.

when you thought you've moved on and somehow you haven't

weird thoughts happens past bedtime...

speaking of

Busy is the word. Busy is an excuse. Busy is hated by me. Busy, keeps people away from something/someone. Busy is overrated. If only busy does not exist. If only, if only does not exist too.

Speaking of busy, yes, i've been busy (ugh) with tons of stuffs, yet again. Well maybe not a lot but i tend to find something or create havoc for myself to keep myself occupied, if you can get what I mean...? There was a week where I didn't have to cater food and I thought, oh wow, so free! but i got myself into getting some things done, which I really can't remember what was it. short-long term memory loss.

Speaking of memory loss, uhh what was I....oh yeah...What's up with cream puffs anyways? I've no idea how much a person can love cream puffs until, i met this person and she keeps going on an on about it. Seriously? If its ice-cream or scones or chocolate cake and maybe durian its okayy but cream puffs? uh okayyy maybe I should start baking cream puffs. or start eating at some classy bakery. but then, i would be put more weight. how is it possible that, that aunty is still so skinny and eating tons of cream puffs? diet????

speaking of diet, this had been, still is and still going to happen. uh, yeah tomorrow will be the official diet day or week. or, maybe never? maybe i'll just exercise my butt off.

speaking if exercise, I found a Pilates book which my dad asked me to buy FOR HIM few years back but never used it..probably he didn't even read it. what's the use of buying it anyway?. Basically its a manual on how to do Pilates from beginners to advance classes. Its kinda confusing reading it. I could understand by reading it but after some time, it gets kinda confusing or maybe i just complicate things by not paying attention while reading. Maybe I should read and do Pilates at the same time. or maybe I should see some Pilates video. or maybe i should just read....? hahaha

Speaking of reading, I've been reading books again. this time to finish the course which, i will not tell now. December is nearing. and i have to submit my paper or else, i'll never get a cert! booo hoo. mind you, i've been reading and re-read and re-read all my papers, books, stuffs for....many years till they (someone) decided not to have this kinda long distance exams anymore! ): I should burn midnight oil and read and read and read till i get sleeeeeeppppppyyy.

speaking of sleepy, I am right now. so i'm gonna stop ranting.

speaking of ranting, i really need to rant to someone.
speaking of someone, you know.. ....yeah....well..yeahh..

*sorry for wasting your life by reading my rants. If u managed to read till here, *thumbs up* and that means you really care. Awwwwww virtue hugs*

blessed

even though i do complain of not having enough and sometimes barely making it through the month, the past week has made me realized (again) how blessed I am than some others. Went for Coalition 58 and obviously there were bands played and peeps coming out and sharing what this whole thing is about. How we could help differently and stuffs. And its simple hearing stories from people how they went and visit these families and saw the desperate need in their eyes and how much they have to suffer in order to raise (the x number) their kids. Worst of all if they had a kid who is Disable, makes matter worst. Its easy to feel sorry for them. I myself have known some people who do suffer. Sometimes, in my head, i tell myself that I do not wanna be like these people. Sometimes, they didn't choose to be in such bad shape. Just that things really did not work out well.

And at many times I tell myself that in whatever I do, I must not fail. but looking back, there has been plenty of failures. But from there, that's when I have learn alot. So looking back, I have to constantly remind myself to count my blessings. To be contented with what I have even to the little things in life. To make full use of my talents and to bless others.

another month

July left. Another new month. End year is nearing. deadline is nearing. I is scared.

not recovering from every week with its events isn't happening. I am glad I had the opportunity to sleep (almost all the time) during a family getaway. but what is family time if you're sleeping all the time right? sigh.

ok this post is so depressing. out.

labels.

I was asked to cater for tea for a course that runs for 14 weeks. They had already finished 2 weeks so there's 12 weeks for me to cater for them. Finger, tiny, bite size food are really nice to look at but really hard to do! BUT ( there's a butt again ), their budget is really low as participants goes for the course for free! So working with a low budget isn't easy. Thankfully, the food they need are small and (hopefully) can cover the cost and perhaps make profits in the weeks to come! (:

So I had to come up with a list of possible food and the kind aunty, replied my email almost instantly with awesome powerful English. I looked at my email to her and..*facepalm* I need to buck up on my England like alot! :S

And so she did suggest I leave my namecard/contact number. I think it's very rush to do so now. or so i really think so! and, I need help in getting a name for this possible small business. came across some and...whatyathink?

Mouthful
Bite Me
Confessions of a Baker
Confessions of a Foodie
Eye Eat
Feasting of Art
Food Chaser
Food Stuffs
Jenius
One More Bite
Ooooh, Look!
Eat first, Diet Later

Running outta ideas or some names just doesn't really look appealing to me. and running outta time!. time to send the brother to work. Till then.

updates

just a lil update. with tons of food pictures. you have been warned! (:

 there was a Monday where Ben and I were just cleaning the house and we went out about lunch time to run errands. We were going places and we realised we haven't eaten since morning! Since we had some deadline, we thought of going to different places, places nearby where we were. Ben was craving for CheeCheongFun. But who in the world still opens that at about 5pm?? In the end we feasted in VaryPasta in DJ. (:

 these are really to die for!

 (tira)missu attempt number one!
i thought this was gonna be a failure cause when i placed them ladyfingers, it was floating with the creamcheese. but it did turn out well! Alcohol will added the next time round! (:

 I had some pasta left, tomatoes, cucumbers, and tons of cheese. A simple lunch but SUPER FILLING and fattening.

 Almost had a heart attack looking at the ingredients for these lovelies. Its nothing but icing sugar, almond powder, more icing sugar, egg whites and more icing sugar! these lovelies looks flat because i reduced the icing sugar. not a very smart move, but i couldn't stand the sweetness. omg imagine measuring dunno how many cups of icing sugar, i just cannot stand it! Made these Cinnamon macaroons with cream cheese + a lil lemon. Added lemon juice to make it a lil sour so it won't be too sweet. Verdict? IT WAS STILL very  SWEET!

 ahhh these lovelies. Always wanted to try baking them but turned off by the sight of the colouring. Even for this, recipe asked for 2 1/2 TABLESPOON of red colouring, i only put in 1 1/2, and still so red :S i shall reduced less colouring, more cocoa?

 Mum came home from a function with two bottles of wine. One red wine, the other is white wine. She pestered me to use those wine to cook. Don't know why but it was left sitting around for about a month, and she still asked me. So just last Friday, I decided to cook some beef stew. my first time. and it required baking. so i left it in the oven and told her dinner's in the oven as I went out for a Worship night with SidneyMohede and his team. It was just awesome by the way. anywayyys, i only managed to take a pic and taste it on sunday afternoon! By the time i ate, the wine has soaked the beef really well! yummers!

 Dad kept complaining mine doesn't look like how the rat in Ratatouille cooks. ): oh well. i didn't eat it. :P

 chunky nutty chocolate with some shortbread base. this.is.really.addictive! I've been munching on these like non-stop!

 ahhhhhhhh durian cake <3 mylove for durian has returned! (:

Did you ever had that feeling where you need to sleep, to get much rest, to be able to have energy for the next few days of events but you just can't sleep no matter what you do? yeap.

I've done much grocery shopping early this week and I'm beginning to think i bought too much. How too much is too much? I have no idea. but come to think of it, there are so many mouth's to feed but then again, everyone seems to be on a diet and not eating much. but then again, almost everyone is recovering from whatever sickness one has.

This past two weeks has been a real test. Having to stay up past 3am and even 5am. no joke. I'm beginning to wonder too that I run on some hidden energy source somewhere stored in my body. :S ...who knows, I'm probably the real EnergizerBunny ;)

This past few weeks has also rocked the world in Asia, Malaysia, specifically. Where the opposition wanted to have a gathering, but it was made illegal by parties that didn't want them to have the rally. Their purpose? To have a clean elections, in the coming one. no bribe, no nothing. clean elections. but certain parties had to make things worst, but, it didn't burn the fire in these committed people, citizens. Citizens who wants real change. Citizens who wants to make a difference in this land. Citizens who are willing to sacrifice whatever it cost, to see a change in this nation. I'm glad for people who wants change. Good change of course!

Obviously, there are still lotsa baking and cooking around the house. There will be more coming soon. but for now, Ikea Meatball Craving are met, and it taste more delicious when its homemade (:

what you want and what you need

is the same thing? NOOO!


watching alotta cartoons again. Seriously, what can you do with a child who is sick? Watch more cartoons! Let's just hope this ends quickly. I need my sleep.

updates

It does feel like a long time not blogging. Finding the time to just sit in front of the lappy and actually writing something meaningful or just blogging is rare but finding recipes, that's another story.

The past two weeks has been hectic. Squeezing in time to finish my pile of work. Getting up early and standing for practically four days has been torturing. Finding time to bake cause the hands and fingers were itchy was satisfying yet it sucked a whole lotta energy out of me cause i woke up at 4am to bake. Yes, I'm that crazy. Zooming to places, getting lost in Ampang and many more, had taken a toll on me. Ah boy having tummy upset was another round. I could hardly sleep as his temperature went up and down. Seeing somebody doing something right in front of my eyes, breaking my heart into a million pieces was horrifying. okay i exaggerated but still, I'm still not over it. I had an awesome screaming session and driving around just to get it out of my system. With all these happening, its amazing how I sorta still have energy left saved somewhere in my body. hmmm that's really weird. And there were tons to learn from, especially meeting different people within those four days.

I will be back with the 30Day Challenge soon. I just need rest. I'm gonna have flu soon, I'm sure.

Day Four

Day Four - Your Sibling

ah i shall write to the older one since we are close. wait, we are right? hehe

Dear Ben,

I had all the attention in the world for three years or so. When mum had you, there were complications and that took the attention from me. I had the teevee all to myself watching Disney cartoons like a zillion times. I was a proud sister when you came into the world but you didn't seem to like me much. Judging from the kiddo photos, whenever i carried you, you cried. tsk. We had our fun times playing around, sort of. I obviously didn't like it when you were chasing me like a mad monkey trying to bite me. Seriously, what were you thinking?

Years flew by and obviously, we got older. I was so pissed whenever I used to hang out with my friends after PMR and you complained I could go out more than you. hello, i is four years older laaaaa. Anyways, we somehow pass thru that stage.

Now that you're all grown up, somewhat, its easier to talk to you. I'm glad that some stuffs you chose to share with me. and yeap, we do have our secrets together. shhhhhh. I'm proud to call you my partner in crime. muahahahah. love you to bits, ben. :D

*************************************

Glad I'm in the comfort of my home right now. The past two weeks has been a constant series of important things to do. hmm, everything's important!. hahaha.

The past two weeks, I had been arranging music, recording the piano parts, keyboard - strings, and some other effects, some guitars and trying some bass, some aunty's voice, and of course, mine. Note to self : Make sure the writer agrees with the kind of music, beat, tempo, genre, you gonna play for their song. Super long process recording the aunty's song. another thing, after these non-stop time of trying to get it done properly, omg, no wonder, I'm more of a musician than singer. I tried recording my voice one of the days and, nah, I had been using my fake voice, or so they claim. Lower one key, recorded the instruments again and, I spent four hours singing, trying to get it right and recording it. I almost cried. sighhhhhhhh. ThankGod for awesome friend to cheer me up after that. :D

so yeap, just a lil update, since we're not raptured yet. oh wait, no right? hehehe.