So I was randomly having a chat with a friend few days back. At first, it was those usuals and what nots and casual and yeah you the drift. With any conversations, there tend to be a serious part and yeap, it made me think alot. Not exactly during the time we were having the conversation but more to after. Like till now, and i guess the next few days. It got me thinking like how I ended up being like that. How and why I made those decisions and that it's alright for me to be this way. Looking back right now, somehow I find it hard sharing (and holding back that water works) and explaining why I made those decisions. I literally had to have some time to refresh my memory....and now, its playing in my head and haunting me ):
I guess sometimes its good to reflect on what has happened and why you made those decisions. And it is also important that if any of those unwanted memories which suddenly pops up, I guess, one has to just cry(?), scream(?), throw knives(?), or find something that helps you to feel better. Of course, praying and know that your past just makes you stronger (:
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
an update
It has been too long. Too long to remember how it feels to blog.
It's the usuals "i have been busy. I can't find time to blog. I just don't feel like it. There no inspirations" etc etc.
Today, i guess, is when I let my guard down and let my emotions and feeling take over. It's when I kept alot of things in and have not been able to let it out. It's when thoughts of "what if's" and "if only's" come bombarding in my head. It's when I feel really trapped. It's when I feel I've given up hope on myself. It's when I feel like I need to be away.
Today, I've let it all out. And still is. I'm not sure when this faucet of mine will stop pouring. I used to believe that I still could have a balanced life with a family. Someone once told me, it's impossible. I'm beginning to believe her. *oh no!*
It's the usuals "i have been busy. I can't find time to blog. I just don't feel like it. There no inspirations" etc etc.
Today, i guess, is when I let my guard down and let my emotions and feeling take over. It's when I kept alot of things in and have not been able to let it out. It's when thoughts of "what if's" and "if only's" come bombarding in my head. It's when I feel really trapped. It's when I feel I've given up hope on myself. It's when I feel like I need to be away.
Today, I've let it all out. And still is. I'm not sure when this faucet of mine will stop pouring. I used to believe that I still could have a balanced life with a family. Someone once told me, it's impossible. I'm beginning to believe her. *oh no!*
Sunday, October 16, 2011
once again
and once again, back with some updates after a short hiatus.
At this point in time, it's wayy past bed time but i slept way early and I'm up with nothing to do, or there is, but I'm just ignoring those things, and I just can't sleep.
You know that feeling where there's just too much going on in your head. That you don't know what to do. That whatever solution you have, you know that it still won't work in the end. That no matter how hard you try to work with your solution, it doesn't work as well.
when you try to think of a perfect time to talk to someone about issues. but timing can never be perfect even though how much you picture it to be. or how you thought you would want it to be.
when people around you start asking you about your future and you can't answer them. and you start thinking what on earth are you doing with your life. and future. How you picture your future to be but judging from your past, some things just can't get pass you. and it seems like your past keeps haunting you.
when you thought you've moved on and somehow you haven't
weird thoughts happens past bedtime...
At this point in time, it's wayy past bed time but i slept way early and I'm up with nothing to do, or there is, but I'm just ignoring those things, and I just can't sleep.
You know that feeling where there's just too much going on in your head. That you don't know what to do. That whatever solution you have, you know that it still won't work in the end. That no matter how hard you try to work with your solution, it doesn't work as well.
when you try to think of a perfect time to talk to someone about issues. but timing can never be perfect even though how much you picture it to be. or how you thought you would want it to be.
when people around you start asking you about your future and you can't answer them. and you start thinking what on earth are you doing with your life. and future. How you picture your future to be but judging from your past, some things just can't get pass you. and it seems like your past keeps haunting you.
when you thought you've moved on and somehow you haven't
weird thoughts happens past bedtime...
Monday, September 5, 2011
speaking of
Busy is the word. Busy is an excuse. Busy is hated by me. Busy, keeps people away from something/someone. Busy is overrated. If only busy does not exist. If only, if only does not exist too.
Speaking of busy, yes, i've been busy (ugh) with tons of stuffs, yet again. Well maybe not a lot but i tend to find something or create havoc for myself to keep myself occupied, if you can get what I mean...? There was a week where I didn't have to cater food and I thought, oh wow, so free! but i got myself into getting some things done, which I really can't remember what was it. short-long term memory loss.
Speaking of memory loss, uhh what was I....oh yeah...What's up with cream puffs anyways? I've no idea how much a person can love cream puffs until, i met this person and she keeps going on an on about it. Seriously? If its ice-cream or scones or chocolate cake and maybe durian its okayy but cream puffs? uh okayyy maybe I should start baking cream puffs. or start eating at some classy bakery. but then, i would be put more weight. how is it possible that, that aunty is still so skinny and eating tons of cream puffs? diet????
speaking of diet, this had been, still is and still going to happen. uh, yeah tomorrow will be the official diet day or week. or, maybe never? maybe i'll just exercise my butt off.
speaking if exercise, I found a Pilates book which my dad asked me to buy FOR HIM few years back but never used it..probably he didn't even read it. what's the use of buying it anyway?. Basically its a manual on how to do Pilates from beginners to advance classes. Its kinda confusing reading it. I could understand by reading it but after some time, it gets kinda confusing or maybe i just complicate things by not paying attention while reading. Maybe I should read and do Pilates at the same time. or maybe I should see some Pilates video. or maybe i should just read....? hahaha
Speaking of reading, I've been reading books again. this time to finish the course which, i will not tell now. December is nearing. and i have to submit my paper or else, i'll never get a cert! booo hoo. mind you, i've been reading and re-read and re-read all my papers, books, stuffs for....many years till they (someone) decided not to have this kinda long distance exams anymore! ): I should burn midnight oil and read and read and read till i get sleeeeeeppppppyyy.
speaking of sleepy, I am right now. so i'm gonna stop ranting.
speaking of ranting, i really need to rant to someone.
speaking of someone, you know.. ....yeah....well..yeahh..
*sorry for wasting your life by reading my rants. If u managed to read till here, *thumbs up* and that means you really care. Awwwwww virtue hugs*
Speaking of busy, yes, i've been busy (ugh) with tons of stuffs, yet again. Well maybe not a lot but i tend to find something or create havoc for myself to keep myself occupied, if you can get what I mean...? There was a week where I didn't have to cater food and I thought, oh wow, so free! but i got myself into getting some things done, which I really can't remember what was it. short-long term memory loss.
Speaking of memory loss, uhh what was I....oh yeah...What's up with cream puffs anyways? I've no idea how much a person can love cream puffs until, i met this person and she keeps going on an on about it. Seriously? If its ice-cream or scones or chocolate cake and maybe durian its okayy but cream puffs? uh okayyy maybe I should start baking cream puffs. or start eating at some classy bakery. but then, i would be put more weight. how is it possible that, that aunty is still so skinny and eating tons of cream puffs? diet????
speaking of diet, this had been, still is and still going to happen. uh, yeah tomorrow will be the official diet day or week. or, maybe never? maybe i'll just exercise my butt off.
speaking if exercise, I found a Pilates book which my dad asked me to buy FOR HIM few years back but never used it..probably he didn't even read it. what's the use of buying it anyway?. Basically its a manual on how to do Pilates from beginners to advance classes. Its kinda confusing reading it. I could understand by reading it but after some time, it gets kinda confusing or maybe i just complicate things by not paying attention while reading. Maybe I should read and do Pilates at the same time. or maybe I should see some Pilates video. or maybe i should just read....? hahaha
Speaking of reading, I've been reading books again. this time to finish the course which, i will not tell now. December is nearing. and i have to submit my paper or else, i'll never get a cert! booo hoo. mind you, i've been reading and re-read and re-read all my papers, books, stuffs for....many years till they (someone) decided not to have this kinda long distance exams anymore! ): I should burn midnight oil and read and read and read till i get sleeeeeeppppppyyy.
speaking of sleepy, I am right now. so i'm gonna stop ranting.
speaking of ranting, i really need to rant to someone.
speaking of someone, you know.. ....yeah....well..yeahh..
*sorry for wasting your life by reading my rants. If u managed to read till here, *thumbs up* and that means you really care. Awwwwww virtue hugs*
Friday, August 19, 2011
Of laughters - tummy and cheeks aching
Doctor by profession but comedian too. Why? Because, laughter is the best medicine! (aduhhhhh 5 years of medical school.......)
Bimbos can answer any question..All they say is Duh! Whatever! OMG! Like,like,like,like,like....
Msian bimbos(ahlians), name are super awesome!
What's your name?
Abseedee
Wah so chun (not like those Apple, Lola etc) How to spell your name?
ABCDE!!
Went to PJLiveArts to catch these people in action , MACC aka Malaysian Association of Chinese Comedians : Three and a half Men. Courtesy of ReubenLau; Ben's godbrother, had two extra tickets cause his friends couldn't make it. So Ben and I went and had a time of laughing non-stop! These places are the only place where they can shootthegovernment talk a whole lotta stuffs and not get caught. Imagine having Stand up Comedy in Stadium Merdeka and ummmm....tear gas and water cannon balls aiming at them and the crowd. uhhh not a very nice scenario. haha Each of them came out say about 30 mins each, from Dr Jason to Phoon Chi Ho to Kuah JenHan and lastly Douglas Lim. IT DID NOT FEEL LIKE TWO HOURS!! Right now, all Ben and I talk about are their jokes, okay most of the time. Now that the twin had watched it too!, YEAY! hahahah
Bimbos can answer any question..All they say is Duh! Whatever! OMG! Like,like,like,like,like....
Msian bimbos(ahlians), name are super awesome!
What's your name?
Abseedee
Wah so chun (not like those Apple, Lola etc) How to spell your name?
ABCDE!!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
blessed
even though i do complain of not having enough and sometimes barely making it through the month, the past week has made me realized (again) how blessed I am than some others. Went for Coalition 58 and obviously there were bands played and peeps coming out and sharing what this whole thing is about. How we could help differently and stuffs. And its simple hearing stories from people how they went and visit these families and saw the desperate need in their eyes and how much they have to suffer in order to raise (the x number) their kids. Worst of all if they had a kid who is Disable, makes matter worst. Its easy to feel sorry for them. I myself have known some people who do suffer. Sometimes, in my head, i tell myself that I do not wanna be like these people. Sometimes, they didn't choose to be in such bad shape. Just that things really did not work out well.
And at many times I tell myself that in whatever I do, I must not fail. but looking back, there has been plenty of failures. But from there, that's when I have learn alot. So looking back, I have to constantly remind myself to count my blessings. To be contented with what I have even to the little things in life. To make full use of my talents and to bless others.
And at many times I tell myself that in whatever I do, I must not fail. but looking back, there has been plenty of failures. But from there, that's when I have learn alot. So looking back, I have to constantly remind myself to count my blessings. To be contented with what I have even to the little things in life. To make full use of my talents and to bless others.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
another month
July left. Another new month. End year is nearing. deadline is nearing. I is scared.
not recovering from every week with its events isn't happening. I am glad I had the opportunity to sleep (almost all the time) during a family getaway. but what is family time if you're sleeping all the time right? sigh.
ok this post is so depressing. out.
not recovering from every week with its events isn't happening. I am glad I had the opportunity to sleep (almost all the time) during a family getaway. but what is family time if you're sleeping all the time right? sigh.
ok this post is so depressing. out.
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