a time to...

It's that time of the year again. Christmas. :D Where everyone is getting presents, setting up christmas trees, gathering recipes, planning holidays, caroling, christmas plays and so on. Love this time of the year. But as I grow older, I somehow feel the lack of Christmas spirit. The lack of thinking of what to give to someone. Lack of planning something special. I feel, just tired when Christmas comes around.

Maybe its just cause another new year is approaching too quickly.

Well, yeah, that.

What lies next year, is a mystery to me. Everything is still at a blur. Work is a blur. Income is at a blur state. but life still goes on. boy is getting older and growing, too fast. with all this season holiday and season change in life, trying my very best to submit my 2012 plans to Him.

Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
   and he will establish your plans

Proverbs 16:3

THE question

I am reminded how grace is given freely. How undeserving for me to receive it. How amazing, grace is. Looking back the past three years, He has proved Himself to be ever so faithful, ever so merciful, ever so forgiving, and is full of grace. How many times I really feel that I do not deserve all these but He still thinks I do.

Am reminded that I should count the lil blessings I receive. not to overlook any but to see how many times He has pulled me through. How another day had been a blessing. How much joy it is to be with the lil one. How the family and close friends had stick with me through my lowest point.

Sometimes it just takes a lil reminder to remind you to count your lil blessings one by one. And with that, you'll be amazed as to how much you've been blessed over the days, weeks, months and years. Treasure your moments.

I thought my day would end with that. Being grateful and thankful for all He's done. Till, lil one asked me the question. That fast? never underestimate a young one.

reflections

So I was randomly having a chat with a friend few days back. At first, it was those usuals and what nots and casual and yeah you the drift. With any conversations, there tend to be a serious part and yeap, it made me think alot. Not exactly during the time we were having the conversation but more to after. Like till now, and i guess the next few days. It got me thinking like how I ended up being like that. How and why I made those decisions and that it's alright for me to be this way. Looking back right now, somehow I find it hard sharing (and holding back that water works) and explaining why I made those decisions. I literally had to have some time to refresh my memory....and now, its playing in my head and haunting me ):


I guess sometimes its good to reflect on what has happened and why you made those decisions. And it is also important that if any of those unwanted memories which suddenly pops up, I guess, one has to just cry(?), scream(?), throw knives(?), or find something that helps you to feel better. Of course, praying and know that your past just makes you stronger (:

an update

It has been too long. Too long to remember how it feels to blog.

It's the usuals "i have been busy. I can't find time to blog. I just don't feel like it. There no inspirations" etc etc.

Today, i guess, is when I let my guard down and let my emotions and feeling take over. It's when I kept alot of things in and have not been able to let it out. It's when thoughts of "what if's" and "if only's" come bombarding in my head. It's when I feel really trapped. It's when I feel I've given up hope on myself. It's when I feel like I need to be away.

Today, I've let it all out. And still is. I'm not sure when this faucet of mine will stop pouring. I used to believe that I still could have a balanced life with a family. Someone once told me, it's impossible. I'm beginning to believe her. *oh no!*

once again

and once again, back with some updates after a short hiatus.

At this point in time, it's wayy past bed time but i slept way early and I'm up with nothing to do, or there is, but I'm just ignoring those things, and I just can't sleep.

You know that feeling where there's just too much going on in your head. That you don't know what to do. That whatever solution you have, you know that it still won't work in the end. That no matter how hard you try to work with your solution, it doesn't work as well.

when you try to think of a perfect time to talk to someone about issues. but timing can never be perfect even though how much you picture it to be. or how you thought you would want it to be.

when people around you start asking you about your future and you can't answer them. and you start thinking what on earth are you doing with your life. and future. How you picture your future to be but judging from your past, some things just can't get pass you. and it seems like your past keeps haunting you.

when you thought you've moved on and somehow you haven't

weird thoughts happens past bedtime...

speaking of

Busy is the word. Busy is an excuse. Busy is hated by me. Busy, keeps people away from something/someone. Busy is overrated. If only busy does not exist. If only, if only does not exist too.

Speaking of busy, yes, i've been busy (ugh) with tons of stuffs, yet again. Well maybe not a lot but i tend to find something or create havoc for myself to keep myself occupied, if you can get what I mean...? There was a week where I didn't have to cater food and I thought, oh wow, so free! but i got myself into getting some things done, which I really can't remember what was it. short-long term memory loss.

Speaking of memory loss, uhh what was I....oh yeah...What's up with cream puffs anyways? I've no idea how much a person can love cream puffs until, i met this person and she keeps going on an on about it. Seriously? If its ice-cream or scones or chocolate cake and maybe durian its okayy but cream puffs? uh okayyy maybe I should start baking cream puffs. or start eating at some classy bakery. but then, i would be put more weight. how is it possible that, that aunty is still so skinny and eating tons of cream puffs? diet????

speaking of diet, this had been, still is and still going to happen. uh, yeah tomorrow will be the official diet day or week. or, maybe never? maybe i'll just exercise my butt off.

speaking if exercise, I found a Pilates book which my dad asked me to buy FOR HIM few years back but never used it..probably he didn't even read it. what's the use of buying it anyway?. Basically its a manual on how to do Pilates from beginners to advance classes. Its kinda confusing reading it. I could understand by reading it but after some time, it gets kinda confusing or maybe i just complicate things by not paying attention while reading. Maybe I should read and do Pilates at the same time. or maybe I should see some Pilates video. or maybe i should just read....? hahaha

Speaking of reading, I've been reading books again. this time to finish the course which, i will not tell now. December is nearing. and i have to submit my paper or else, i'll never get a cert! booo hoo. mind you, i've been reading and re-read and re-read all my papers, books, stuffs for....many years till they (someone) decided not to have this kinda long distance exams anymore! ): I should burn midnight oil and read and read and read till i get sleeeeeeppppppyyy.

speaking of sleepy, I am right now. so i'm gonna stop ranting.

speaking of ranting, i really need to rant to someone.
speaking of someone, you know.. ....yeah....well..yeahh..

*sorry for wasting your life by reading my rants. If u managed to read till here, *thumbs up* and that means you really care. Awwwwww virtue hugs*

Of laughters - tummy and cheeks aching

Doctor by profession but comedian too. Why? Because, laughter is the best medicine! (aduhhhhh 5 years of medical school.......)

Bimbos can answer any question..All they say is Duh! Whatever! OMG! Like,like,like,like,like....
Msian bimbos(ahlians), name are super awesome!

What's your name?
Abseedee
Wah so chun (not like those Apple, Lola etc) How to spell your name?
ABCDE!!

Went to PJLiveArts to catch these people in action , MACC aka Malaysian Association of Chinese Comedians : Three and a half Men. Courtesy of ReubenLau; Ben's godbrother, had two extra tickets cause his friends couldn't make it. So Ben and I went and had a time of laughing non-stop! These places are the only place where they can shootthegovernment talk a whole lotta stuffs and not get caught. Imagine having Stand up Comedy in Stadium Merdeka and ummmm....tear gas and water cannon balls aiming at them and the crowd. uhhh not a very nice scenario. haha Each of them came out say about 30 mins each, from Dr Jason to Phoon Chi Ho to Kuah JenHan and lastly Douglas Lim. IT DID NOT FEEL LIKE TWO HOURS!! Right now, all Ben and I talk about are their jokes, okay most of the time. Now that the twin had watched it too!, YEAY! hahahah