It's not about the money, money, money

That time of the year -  CHINESE NEW YEAR! where firecrakers and fireworks are shot up to the sky causing noise and air pollution, kids running around getting ang pau's, new clothes, new stuffs in the house, more chinese food, cookies, spring cleaning, more food, house visiting, and more food and the list goes on.

This year has been quite a quiet year. unlike those years, we used to go around houses like nonstop. But since the older generation has left, we were/are sorta lost as to where to go during the first two days. Somehow, we still managed to go houses and have great conversations and catch ups.

Lil boy is just happy he gets to go around and eat cny goodies; mainly chips and keropok and drink cold drinks. -.-

As for me, I'm glad I finally 'sau kong' on the eve of CNY but that didn't end there. We had a friend and her son over for reunion, and, yes, did cook dishes for the reunion. I WAS FLAT OUT AFTER DINS! and only woke up the next morning!.

Feeling a lil sick every morning i wake up. Find myself really tired by mid day. naps in the evening and sleeping throughout the night. I miss this. I guess the body is trying to repair and adjust itself since I've been skipping my sleep time to bake to meet the orders. hehe. 

Now that baking has stopped, I'm wondering what I'm gonna do next. Waiting for the right time to text the teacher telling him I wanna continue my Diploma. hmmmmmm..

next

I do miss morning prayer meets. the alarm or human alarm trying to wake me up. the getting outta the house so early till my security guard at my place got ready to open the gate during those mornings. the driving in the super early mornings, thinking whether to run the red light. the encouragement when you see so many people in the auditorium. the worship. the sermon. the praying. the breakfast and catch ups. (:

While this has ended, its time to find the time to spend that time with Him. I realized that as I commit my job/business to Him, He did answer my prayers. I'm glad that although I'm really busy baking, that at least there's my source of income coming in.

Yesterday's prayer meet ended with Psalm 134 which talks about worship. And I do long to get lost when I worship. Its like I get preoccupied with Him and Him only to find there's freedom, peace and joy. It was a great and timely reminder. All of the mornings actually. I'm still struggling in an area. The area of  surrender EVERYTHING to Him. I just can't and find it really, really, really hard to do so. I can surrender all, except one part, an important part, a person in my life. Tears just kept rolling down. but i still can't. maybe i just need time. Or a change of mindset.

Its been more than four years but it still feels like yesterday. Them tears still felt fresh. The memory starts playing back. It felt strange to share with a cell member, and trying to keep that water works. But i did share anyways. and it felt kinda good. maybe cause it depends on the person i share it with. It hasn't been easy as I find myself explaining my self/situation every week to different people. I get different responses. I have to deal with my emotions from their responses and I find myself really drained from dealing with my emotions. I'm not too sure how long this is gonna take. The healing part. The overcoming part.

I'm just tired of putting up a face. It was really hard to put up with a face pretending everything is alright. but then again, if i hadn't pretend, I wouldn't want everyone asking why I'm not okay. -.-

So I guess, it still goes back to getting closer with Him. Setting things right with Him. and the part which I'm not ready to do, Surrender EVERYTHING to Him

the mornings

DUMC had started a Fast and Prayer Meeting since 2nd of Jan which will go on till this Sunday. I planned not to go but Ben wanted to go on Tuesday. We decided to go, but couldn't wake up. So was Wednesday. After cell on Wednesday, did commit to go since almost everyone was going and there was this semagat-ness. and a human alarm clock. I actually turned off my alarm when it rang! -.- but thankfully there was the human alarm clock which woke me up after the second time calling. *shy*

They say first is never easy. TRUE! second day was okay, so was third. got worst on fourth day. went there late but i keep telling myself, at least i was there :D Tomorrow's gonna be the tenth day, its still gonna be awesome!

there's just too much to share, but too little time to type it all out here right now. till then! :D

The Blessing Song

The Blessing Song
by Dennis Jernigan

May the Lord answer you in the day of your trouble!
May the name of the Lord be your strong mighty tower!
May He grant you your heart's deepest dreams and desires!
May He answer each time you call!

May He pour out the blessing of heaven!
May you cast your cares on Him and daily fall!
May you live to see your children's children!
May Lord Jesus be your All in All!

May the Lord Jesus Christ satisfy beyond all measure!
May His Word light your path!
May His Peace guard your heart!
May your days be filled with gladness, joy and peace through any sadness
Filled with love that will not depart!

May your strength be renewed like the eagle!
As you run the race may joy flood every part!
May your memories all be sweet in each parting!
May the peace of Christ rule your heart!

May His word be to you health and life, joy and treasure.
May your home be a light.
May the Lord guard your ways.
May the Lord be your shepherd.
May His goodness and mercy follow after you all your days!

May His mercies be new every morning!
May His grace and Holy Spirit help you stand!
May you live your life to die for the gospel!
May you hold to His unchanging hand!

May the Lord answer you in the day of your trouble!
May the name of the Lord be your strong mighty tower!

the new has come

Out with the old, In with the new.

Ushering the New Years was great. Started NYE by waking up late and rushed to bake six cakes, got them frosted and written with words. Send them cakes, forgot to take pics of them ): Spent some time (or whats left with time) with friend(s) and a lil dins, went to settle some money things and went for Watchnight Celebration in DUMC. Got hungry before midnight and went to bed really hungry. Lil boy slept past 2am and had nightmares (i think) and woke up really late the next day.

As the New Year has begun, there are still alot of uncertainties in life, especially mine. I'm not really sure if this path I'm taking will do me any good. Or maybe I should just get a normal job and have a fix income. Or, i could just go on with my plans and be kick-ass at it.

I always had long chats with mum the past week. Mostly is because of our family situation right now. And my future. And why I'm changing church. And brain storming. Sometimes its really hard talking to your mum. But sometimes, that's just how family is. Supporting in everything you do and going all out, just for you.

I wouldn't say life could be great and smooth sailing in months and years to come. It already hasn't been that way for me. Hearing someone talk behind my back, literally, on NY is not cool at all. Trying really hard to put on a brave face, isn't doing me that good. Or maybe I don't have to and just break down or deal with it..?

At this point in posting this, the whole house is still in silence. Surprisingly since it's past 9am. Going for a class soon. First class of the year, on a Public Holiday!

"The LORD shall preserve you going out and your coming in

From this time forth, and even forevermore" Psalm 121:8