a first

There's always a first. That's what they all say. They? Yeah, everyone.

Since water in my area was not disrupted, I went ahead with my plan to perfect the Focaccia and try another muffin.

 Crunchy Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Muffin

 Focaccia with ExtraVirginOliveOil with BalsamicVinegar

Everything went well. I made them. I felt proud of myself. I felt accomplished.

But something was not right. I had never felt so horrible after baking. I do enjoy baking, really I do. But today was just different. Today just doesn't seem right. Baking does help me take my mind off and I always feel better after that but not today.

Today, maybe I shouldn't had baked. Or maybe I should, as I've already had.

Cause there's always a first. A first to feel sad even when you do the thing you love most, can't help you to feel good at all..

You're so hard to forget

Dinner. It was great. Food was so satisfying. Our conversation was great. I miss those kinda talks where we would just talk about everything under the (ceiling) sky. Then we struck on that topic again. I can never admit something that personal in front of you. I know, I've told you most of my darkest secrets and fears but that, you already know part of it, not fully. That's the one thing I can never be really honest. You asked a question but I never answered honestly. Even though you asked again, using all kinds of words forming those sentences, but no, I just couldn't. Something in me was screaming to ask you tons of questions. What ever went wrong with us? Wasn't there still something? So, with what we've been through, was there ever something? If no, then why are we supposed to be? With what we've been through, what was that all about? My mind was filled with those but nothing came out of my mouth or rather everything that wasn't related to what was going on in my head. Perhaps I just don't wanna be a fooled again. I don't wanna be the one left there being alone. I don't wanna be left hanging there, again. I don't want my heart to be played again. I don't want my heart being broken by you, again. After all that I've been through, I don't think I can take any heart breaks. or maybe I can't afford any heart breaks cause there's the little man. If only I could tell you, "I've never gotten over you even though I've tried. It's still you". Perhaps one day. Perhaps that one day, wouldn't be too late....

Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

updates

It does feel like a long time not blogging. Finding the time to just sit in front of the lappy and actually writing something meaningful or just blogging is rare but finding recipes, that's another story.

The past two weeks has been hectic. Squeezing in time to finish my pile of work. Getting up early and standing for practically four days has been torturing. Finding time to bake cause the hands and fingers were itchy was satisfying yet it sucked a whole lotta energy out of me cause i woke up at 4am to bake. Yes, I'm that crazy. Zooming to places, getting lost in Ampang and many more, had taken a toll on me. Ah boy having tummy upset was another round. I could hardly sleep as his temperature went up and down. Seeing somebody doing something right in front of my eyes, breaking my heart into a million pieces was horrifying. okay i exaggerated but still, I'm still not over it. I had an awesome screaming session and driving around just to get it out of my system. With all these happening, its amazing how I sorta still have energy left saved somewhere in my body. hmmm that's really weird. And there were tons to learn from, especially meeting different people within those four days.

I will be back with the 30Day Challenge soon. I just need rest. I'm gonna have flu soon, I'm sure.

yes, no?

I was thinking to do that 2week challenge - less-fat cornflake thingy but then, i failed on the second day. SECOND. So maybe now I just have to resort in eating less awesome food and going for tons of exercise. ):

why does it have to be so hard to be a girl who doesn't need to diet at all? sigh. or we could just don't bother and just be happy! hahahha

Day 7

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

hmmm why is it ex-bf/gf or love? anywayyyys,

Dear ex crush,

(I'll write to a human this time) :)
The time I met you, were the time where girls and boys won't or hardly talk to each other cause, it's by nature like that. Somehow, we did speak or exchange glances. You never fail to irritate me whenever you had a chance to and I would get very upset and then, you'd give that disappointing look. I'm not very sure why. And till today, I never asked. You were the first person I had helped in composing music. Thankfully, I was learning music composition at that time. Maybe somehow you found out, I'm not sure. But it was fun helping you compose your songs. Honestly, I'm not sure what kinda tune I've written for you but if I'm not mistaken, you wrote a song about losing a girl. hmmmmm. I remembered we were called to be involved in this music percussion group which we had tons of practise but in the end we never performed. That got us closer but then because of circumstances, I left the group too. I wondered why we never exchanged numbers. Years, maybe one or two, went by and we met again at two separate camps. We got to talk again, exchanged numbers and that was it. yeah, i lost your number and i bet you lost mine too. Thankfully for FaceBook I have you as a friend. We never admitted to each other about the feelings we had. I'm pretty sure you felt the same way too, i hope. Oh well, I'm sure life ahead for you will be great! (:

Day Six

Day Six - A stranger

Dear Stranger,

It was very kind of you to hold the door open for me to go into Shell Petrol kiosk/shop thingy. It got me thinking that gentleman/men still exist in this world! (: