Resolutions

Honestly, I never did write my Resolutions for 2012 on paper/note. I just wrote them...mentally. and i guess I edited some resolutions along the way, and yes, I'm aware that it's only February.

One of them is the challenge to read books, apart from the Bible. Not just read books but to read at least one each week. Now, it is obviously a challenge since it took me few months to finish a book last year. And it took me one week to finish a novel. So here I am, failing because it took me three months to finish ONE book. yeah i started reading that book in december.

Since Shanlyn is having a checklist of the number of books she has read so far, I feel i should do the same. At least I know what and how many books I've read this year. I'm (now) proud to say and post that I've finished one book! :D

Books read in 2012
1. Beyond Talent by John C. Maxwell
2. To Train Up A Child by Micheal & Debi Pearl
3. Drawing Near by John Bevere
4. Cultivating Your Inner Life by Edmund Chan
5. The 4th Dimension by Dr David Yonggi Cho
6. Prison Break by Mark Conner
7. The Fourth Dimension, Volume Two by Dr David Yonggi Cho
8. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
9. Work, Love, Pray by Diane Paddison
10. Change of Heart by Jodi Piccoult
11. Walking from East to West by Ravi Zacharias
12. Women: God's Secret Weapon by Ed Silvoso
13. Life Without Limits by Nick Vujicic
14. God's Story, Your Story by Max Lucado
15. Solving Life's Problems Dr David Yonggi Cho

*as of August, I've failed much. forty two books to go!
*as of September, I've thirty eight books more to go.
*as of October, I've thirty seven books more to go

To live without limits...

To live without limits...these are needed..

• A powerful sense of purpose
• Hope so strong that is cannot be diminished
• Faith in God and the infinite possibilities
• Love and self acceptance
• A courageous spirit
• Willingness to change
• A trusting heart
• Hunger for opportunities
• The ability to assess risk and to laugh at life
• A mission to serve others first

*Life Without Limits by Nick Vujicic 

Trust and Fear

 Joshua 1:9

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

God spoke these words to Joshua as he was preparing for battle, but they are just as applicable to our lives today. The key to overcoming fear at work, in relationships, or in parenting, is trust in God. Anyone who has raised a two-year-old or a teenager knows what it means to be terrified and discouraged! And yet God does not ask us to be courageous — He commands it.
How can we build the kind of faith that overcomes fear — fear that our kids will hurt or be hurt by others, abuse substances, make sexual compromises, or not come to know the Lord? Trust in God develops as we obey His Word and experience His love. We may not know God's purpose in many of life's events, but our peace comes from knowing Him.
Trust in God conquers fear in parenting.

I believe that this does not apply to only parenting (although I'm reading this Parenting by Design Daily Devotion) but applies to our everyday lives. It reminded me of the many events that has happened these past few weeks. A lot of uncertainties in my life as well the life of others and yet, somehow, timely message has been shared to assure that He is ever faithful.

Be it bad or the good that happens in our lives, we question and wonder if ever God is still with us. I'm thankful that we can hope when we are hopeless, have peace when we are uncertain, knowing that in the end, the things He wants for us is perfect. No matter where you are in life, know that Jesus loves you!

God's will is

Totally sovereign,

Gloriously redemptive,

Sometimes puzzling,

ALWAYS PERFECT

a day's meal

 Antipodean sure does serves the best breakfast in town, and in a huge portion. A morning spent with the bestie was one of the privileges as both of our time seems to always clash. So blessed to be able to spend time on that special day too.

A meal that took me close to two hours to finish every bit that's left on my plate. I ended up not eating for the rest of the day.

The things we shared form our hearts; our current lives, future, plans, guys, problems with people, reminded me that I'm not alone going through life. And that what both of us go through, seems to be similar, and it has always been that way. The many times how both of us helped each other out, I'm glad it still stays the same way. How we realized that the things that resonates in our hearts are for the same purpose and same goal.

Friends like these are hard to find. Especially when it comes to having a best girl friend. I've found that there are some who just put some walls just cause they are afraid some secrets might be leaked. Then I realized that it comes down to the level of trust.

Finding friends is easy. Keeping the good ones and maintaining the relationship, takes effort, and definitely, trust.

J.O.Y.

HAPPINESS!

Now to start flipping pages and enter into a world of yummy desserts! :D

Girls weekend away

Finally managed to get away from the city life, and spend some time with nature and many new 'friends'; bees uber huge lizard, mozzies, frogs, etc.

The trip to Awan Mulan was surprisingly smooth unlike what others told us that traffic would be horrendous.

with the girls. 

 this was where we stayed. 

picture taken from a pool nearby

 lazing around on the hammock. best feeling ever!

 our breakie

morning dip with the twin (:

nomnom

the one dessert we'll never forget

and eating it close to midnight!

pretty colours

waiting for the sunrise

waterfall nearby

I was so glad I could join this trip away from city life, even if it meant for just one night. Had many naps here and there; on the hammock, couch...I still can't float what more swim. *insertssweatface* This is the first trip ever that I didn't prepare food or cook or organize food. Felt good and thank God for awesome friends who are good cooks too! Barbeque was quite atas and fun. Even though we weren't in Penang hunting for tons of food, we were eating non-stop! Had lotsa fun, laughter, screams, running away from insects...at the end of it all, I'm thankful for each and everyone of the girls. We've come so far since school and have stuck together. Here's to more trips and many years of friendship to come! <3

Time to burn all that was gained!

L.O.V.E

There are five positive facts about love and nine facts which shows how love does not behave.

The positive facts are that love :

• suffers long
• is kind
• rejoices in the truth
• bears all
• believes all

On the other hand, love :

• does not envy
• does not parade itself
• is not puffed up
• is not rude
• is not self-serving
• is not easily provoked
• thinks no evil
• doesn't rejoice in iniquity
• never fails

Soon - Brooke Fraser

Talented songwriter, amazing song..

Soon and very soon
My King is coming
Robed in righteousness
And crowned with love
When I see Him, I shall be made like Him
Soon and very soon

Soon and very soon
I'll be going to the place He has prepared for me
There my sin erased, my shame forgotten
Soon and very soon

I will be with the One I love
With unveiled face I'll see Him
There my soul with be satisfied
Soon and very soon

Soon and very soon
See the procession
The angels and the elders round the throne
At His feet I'll lay
My crowns, my worship
Soon and very soon

I will be with the One I love
With unveiled face I'll see Him
There my soul with be satisfied
Soon and very soon

Though I have not seen Him
My heart knows Him well
Jesus Christ the Lamb, the Lord of heaven

I will be with the One I love
With unveiled face I'll see Him
There my soul with be satisfied
Soon and very soon
Soon and very soon
Soon and very soon

getaway

The past three mornings was filled with affirmations, encouragements and building each other. Three day fast and prayer at 5.30am isn't something that everyone looks forward to but once you made that decision to go, and your spirit man is stronger than the flesh, the spirit man wins. *ohyeah. 

Short message was shared for the three days. 

1. Remembering God (1Kings 1:29)

2. Building the Spirit man (Romans 7:14-20)

3. Make good decisions in life based on God's law. (Psalm 1, James 1:13)

Truly blessed by the three days serving and receiving at the same time. Its amazing how God works and speaks into my life through various people, even those who doesn't know what is going on.

Finally, baked a blueberry cheese cake for the first time, and a success! :D

Looking forward to an all girls trip!

don't u just wanna be there? ;)

back in action

So an aunty gave me her oven cause someone gave her one. This will work for the time being. I MISS BAKING SO, SO, SO, SO MUCH! Fingers are itching. Recipes to try are piling up. Leftover ingredients are probably rotting away or expiring soon.

Chocolate peanut butter cuppies

 Blueberry cheese cake

Oreo Cheesecake

Yeps, these are the very few that are on my list, not including roast and other stuffs that I wanna try.

Here's to baking once again! (and making everyone around me fat.)

The Vow

the "awwwww' moment in the movie..

"No matter what challenges might carry us apart, 

we will always find a way back to each other."

Why men are never depressed

Women are twice as likely to get depressed as men. There are a lot of theories about why this is the case. Here's a humorous explanation as to why men are never depressed. *justforfun!

• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
• Car mechanics tell you the truth
• Same work, more pay
• Wedding dress $5000, tux rental $100
• One mood all the time
• A five holiday requires only one suitcase
• You can open all of your own jars
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
• If someone forgets to invite you, he/she can still be your friend
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a pack of three
• You don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt
• You can do your nails with a pocket knife
• You can do your Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

angers

Started on another book(yay! can add to the list); Prison Break (Mark Conner) and found this interesting topic in chapter three about anger. By the way, this book is about finding personal freedom from common problems such as anger, fear, worry, rejection, depression, addictions, and spiritual bondages.

Funny how someone gave this book to his prisoner friend BUT this book never made it to the prisoner. Probably the guards thought it was a handbook of how to escape from prison! :p

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. 

James 1:19-21

James shares three important keys to great relationships.
1. we need to become good listeners
2. we have to think before we open our mouth and speak
3. we need to learn to control our anger.

Human relationships are an essential part of all of our lives. They are where we experience some of our greatest joys. They are also where we sometimes experience our deepest pain. Some of that pain can be caused by uncontrolled anger.

Few general observations about anger

• we need to recognize that anger is a common emotion - like most of our emotions, anger is a warning signal that some sort of violation has taken place. We need to pay attention to it. We need to choose wisely what we do in response to our feelings of anger.
• it can cause great damage. - it is like a boomerang. We become angry at someone else but our anger affects us too.
• anger management is essential for healthy relationships. - Its important that we take control of this emotion of anger and ensure that it does not destroy people around about us. 
• there's a big difference between having angry feelings and expressing angry behaviour. - it is one thing to feel angry. It is yet another thing to then vent that anger through behaviours that hurts people.

There is a place for righteous anger. God expresses anger at times. God's anger is never irrational or as a result of impatience. His anger only last for a moment and it is always an expression of His goodness and concern. However, when God is angry, it is always for our good and so that we will return to Him. There is a big difference between angry feelings and behaviour and there is an appropriate place for righteous anger.

So how do we take control of our anger?

1.  anger triggers - look at your life and your relationships and consider what causes you to become angry. What kind of people tend to make you angry? By reflecting on our anger triggers we can seek God's help to change our responses in those particulars situations. 
2. embrace realistic expectations about life and people. - Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. 
3. choose to be a forgiving person. - forgiveness is God's antidote to all hurt. It enables us to release the person and in releasing them, we release ourselves. 

*note: me blogging about this doesn't mean that I'm without anger. It's how I found it relevant for everyone, including me. (:

Discipline, Character and Hope

Romans 5:3-5  

3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

 
When our children suffer, whether from their own bad choices or those of someone else, we want so badly to rescue them from the pain or to tell them how to avoid finding themselves in that predicament again. But, God has another plan — to perfect them through their trials. Character-building lessons are rarely learned from the triumphs of life. Rather, it is the trials in our lives that teach us how to persevere despite the pain. Taking trials away from our kids deprives them of the chance to grow, build character, and learn to hope in God.
The best character-building lessons are learned from trials. Don't inhibit your child's growth by rescuing them from or taking over difficult situations.

another month

Another month has passed and now we're entering into the mid-year. Many things had happened in the past few months. Somethings that surprises me much. Others are encouraging.

As I obverse some people, it gave me time and opportunity to take a step back from everything and to learn from their so-called-mistakes. It helped me to remember that others do take notice of every single thing we do; be it the good or the bad. Reminded me to also look at things from a different perspective.

Things in life has taken a whole new road altogether. Believing that there's a greater purpose in life because I have Him!life is truly exciting with God (:

ai em a buzzing beeeeeeeeeee

I can't remember when was the last time I got to sit and type something that's in my head to blog about.

Things have been good and bad and great and okay and full of surprises. March is indeed a busy month! Planning Surprises - not that fun when you gotta keep telling people its a surprise and THE PERSON WE INTEND TO SURPRISE IS NOT SUPPOSE TO KNOW. HELLLOOOO! hahahaha. overall, even with all the stress and poker faces, everyone had a great time.

now, i just need to somehow get back my sleeping routine. (:

crazy-ness

Sometimes I really think that I shouldn't have agreed in the first place. Sometimes I feel that I should let others do the job. Sometimes I feel that, I should have the courage to say no.

One event happened after another and another, made me feel like giving everything up. Made me feel that I shouldn't have agreed. Made me realized too, how much I needed Him more. But when doors are open and things happen to make you feel like giving up, you wonder why the door has been opened in the first place. I'm kinda heading no where with the story or what-so-ever but, typing the whole story out might just offend certain parties.

anyhoo, I've given up the catering business for the time being. My oven died on me. Before that, my car window got smashed and took the brother's bag. The moment when you're all up and fired up for God, things start to happen. and yes, that's when i started questioning, again. And I'm reminded, again, how much more that I need to be closer. (oh.so.hard.i.tell.you)

and there's the sudden of piling up on my plate. I should really unload somewhere.

maybe

maybe being in this situation, things gets ugly
but maybe things will turn out for the better.

maybe, just by spending time builds a life long relationship

maybe, doing what you think its right isn't the right thing to do

maybe, sharing what you're going through helps to clear some junk in you.

maybe, just maybe.
yeah maybe.

things had been ugly. things had been worst. yet, I'm still grateful that every single step has been quite a journey. It isn't over. It has never been. Its still on going. Still struggling. Still accepting. Still angry and upset.

Just waiting for that day...but I guess that day is too far away. Someone once told me, "it happened 14 years ago, and I'm still going through." What more just four years?

maybe, just maybe. there's a silver lining after the storm, right?

It's not about the money, money, money

That time of the year -  CHINESE NEW YEAR! where firecrakers and fireworks are shot up to the sky causing noise and air pollution, kids running around getting ang pau's, new clothes, new stuffs in the house, more chinese food, cookies, spring cleaning, more food, house visiting, and more food and the list goes on.

This year has been quite a quiet year. unlike those years, we used to go around houses like nonstop. But since the older generation has left, we were/are sorta lost as to where to go during the first two days. Somehow, we still managed to go houses and have great conversations and catch ups.

Lil boy is just happy he gets to go around and eat cny goodies; mainly chips and keropok and drink cold drinks. -.-

As for me, I'm glad I finally 'sau kong' on the eve of CNY but that didn't end there. We had a friend and her son over for reunion, and, yes, did cook dishes for the reunion. I WAS FLAT OUT AFTER DINS! and only woke up the next morning!.

Feeling a lil sick every morning i wake up. Find myself really tired by mid day. naps in the evening and sleeping throughout the night. I miss this. I guess the body is trying to repair and adjust itself since I've been skipping my sleep time to bake to meet the orders. hehe. 

Now that baking has stopped, I'm wondering what I'm gonna do next. Waiting for the right time to text the teacher telling him I wanna continue my Diploma. hmmmmmm..

next

I do miss morning prayer meets. the alarm or human alarm trying to wake me up. the getting outta the house so early till my security guard at my place got ready to open the gate during those mornings. the driving in the super early mornings, thinking whether to run the red light. the encouragement when you see so many people in the auditorium. the worship. the sermon. the praying. the breakfast and catch ups. (:

While this has ended, its time to find the time to spend that time with Him. I realized that as I commit my job/business to Him, He did answer my prayers. I'm glad that although I'm really busy baking, that at least there's my source of income coming in.

Yesterday's prayer meet ended with Psalm 134 which talks about worship. And I do long to get lost when I worship. Its like I get preoccupied with Him and Him only to find there's freedom, peace and joy. It was a great and timely reminder. All of the mornings actually. I'm still struggling in an area. The area of  surrender EVERYTHING to Him. I just can't and find it really, really, really hard to do so. I can surrender all, except one part, an important part, a person in my life. Tears just kept rolling down. but i still can't. maybe i just need time. Or a change of mindset.

Its been more than four years but it still feels like yesterday. Them tears still felt fresh. The memory starts playing back. It felt strange to share with a cell member, and trying to keep that water works. But i did share anyways. and it felt kinda good. maybe cause it depends on the person i share it with. It hasn't been easy as I find myself explaining my self/situation every week to different people. I get different responses. I have to deal with my emotions from their responses and I find myself really drained from dealing with my emotions. I'm not too sure how long this is gonna take. The healing part. The overcoming part.

I'm just tired of putting up a face. It was really hard to put up with a face pretending everything is alright. but then again, if i hadn't pretend, I wouldn't want everyone asking why I'm not okay. -.-

So I guess, it still goes back to getting closer with Him. Setting things right with Him. and the part which I'm not ready to do, Surrender EVERYTHING to Him

the mornings

DUMC had started a Fast and Prayer Meeting since 2nd of Jan which will go on till this Sunday. I planned not to go but Ben wanted to go on Tuesday. We decided to go, but couldn't wake up. So was Wednesday. After cell on Wednesday, did commit to go since almost everyone was going and there was this semagat-ness. and a human alarm clock. I actually turned off my alarm when it rang! -.- but thankfully there was the human alarm clock which woke me up after the second time calling. *shy*

They say first is never easy. TRUE! second day was okay, so was third. got worst on fourth day. went there late but i keep telling myself, at least i was there :D Tomorrow's gonna be the tenth day, its still gonna be awesome!

there's just too much to share, but too little time to type it all out here right now. till then! :D

The Blessing Song

The Blessing Song
by Dennis Jernigan

May the Lord answer you in the day of your trouble!
May the name of the Lord be your strong mighty tower!
May He grant you your heart's deepest dreams and desires!
May He answer each time you call!

May He pour out the blessing of heaven!
May you cast your cares on Him and daily fall!
May you live to see your children's children!
May Lord Jesus be your All in All!

May the Lord Jesus Christ satisfy beyond all measure!
May His Word light your path!
May His Peace guard your heart!
May your days be filled with gladness, joy and peace through any sadness
Filled with love that will not depart!

May your strength be renewed like the eagle!
As you run the race may joy flood every part!
May your memories all be sweet in each parting!
May the peace of Christ rule your heart!

May His word be to you health and life, joy and treasure.
May your home be a light.
May the Lord guard your ways.
May the Lord be your shepherd.
May His goodness and mercy follow after you all your days!

May His mercies be new every morning!
May His grace and Holy Spirit help you stand!
May you live your life to die for the gospel!
May you hold to His unchanging hand!

May the Lord answer you in the day of your trouble!
May the name of the Lord be your strong mighty tower!

the new has come

Out with the old, In with the new.

Ushering the New Years was great. Started NYE by waking up late and rushed to bake six cakes, got them frosted and written with words. Send them cakes, forgot to take pics of them ): Spent some time (or whats left with time) with friend(s) and a lil dins, went to settle some money things and went for Watchnight Celebration in DUMC. Got hungry before midnight and went to bed really hungry. Lil boy slept past 2am and had nightmares (i think) and woke up really late the next day.

As the New Year has begun, there are still alot of uncertainties in life, especially mine. I'm not really sure if this path I'm taking will do me any good. Or maybe I should just get a normal job and have a fix income. Or, i could just go on with my plans and be kick-ass at it.

I always had long chats with mum the past week. Mostly is because of our family situation right now. And my future. And why I'm changing church. And brain storming. Sometimes its really hard talking to your mum. But sometimes, that's just how family is. Supporting in everything you do and going all out, just for you.

I wouldn't say life could be great and smooth sailing in months and years to come. It already hasn't been that way for me. Hearing someone talk behind my back, literally, on NY is not cool at all. Trying really hard to put on a brave face, isn't doing me that good. Or maybe I don't have to and just break down or deal with it..?

At this point in posting this, the whole house is still in silence. Surprisingly since it's past 9am. Going for a class soon. First class of the year, on a Public Holiday!

"The LORD shall preserve you going out and your coming in

From this time forth, and even forevermore" Psalm 121:8